you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
