I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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