You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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