Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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