At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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