This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
