I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
