My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
