Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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