Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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