all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
50% drunk capacity currently
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
