Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
