i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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