When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
