i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
