Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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