my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
