Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
