Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
