Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
