my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am naked and annoyed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
