So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize