at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize