End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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