No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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