she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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