Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize