You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
