Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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