On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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