If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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