i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
