Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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