Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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