It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
