just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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