We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize