Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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