I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
