why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
