in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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