woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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