I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
