And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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