If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize