I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the condom got lost in my hair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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