I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
