And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
