Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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