My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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