when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
