They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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