I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
