he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
