I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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