My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
