when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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