so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
