you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
