Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize