So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
