How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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