You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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