Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
