Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
