Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
