Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
