Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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