ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
