I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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