My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
