hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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