it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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