community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
