He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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