Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
